I Have Had A Mistress!

There's a Mistress in the House.

I'll never forget her crushing comment: “I never married you to be the bread-earner only; it does not meant to be a husband and father of my children. This is not what marriage is all about. I feel like there's a mistress in the house."

I was alarmed and frustrated. How dare she make such a comparison! After all, I made a point of being devoted to her and our children. I worked hard for her and kids, not for me, for them. How could she say there was a "mistress" in our home?

Then it dawned on me—you can be home without being home. I was present but absent. My thoughts, emotions, and concerns were with another Bride while I was home, not with my bride.

The spark of love cannot live without a home. A house isn't sufficient. Being present doesn't cut it. What our relationships need is a home, a place where families can laugh, play, cry, and talk deeply together.

What my wife wants, what every wife wants, is not a disciplined, duty-driven husband, but a loving, desire-driven husband. A husband who, when thanked for a weekend get-away without the kids, says to his wife: "It's my pleasure" not "It's my duty"!

Our spouses want to be desired, cherished, valued. In fact, all people want to be cherished, but until we clear the shelf of our hearts of subtle idolatries, discipline will not give way to desire. We must put away our "mistresses."

Repentance is Good News!

All who over-work and under-love need to repent. We need to confess the idolatries of worth-by-work, of significance-by-service, and turn to face the loving, all-accepting, never-ending significance offered to us in the arms of our Savior's embrace. Through Spirit-empowered trust in the promises of God, we can draw near to Christ and receive his perfect love, acceptance, and grace. It is from this position alone that we can truly love our spouses and families.

When we are satisfied in Christ, we can satisfy our spouses. When we are cherished by Christ, we can freely cherish others.

We don't have to work for the church, the corporation, or the business so hard that we let our families die. We can build a home that is filled with love, if Christ takes center place. When we embrace the practice of repentance and faith in Jesus, the idolatries of work can be cleared away with Christ at the center of our affections. Then and only then are we free to truly love others. When we do this, we will adorn the gospel of Christ and reveal the glories of the gospel in the gift of marriage.

Questions:
Do you need to confess your affair with work to God and to your wife?
What kind of idolatry has been motivating your work affair?
How can you embrace the good news of repentance to true change?

Pray daily for the empowerment of the Holy Spirit to put the mistress away and remind you that Christ is your identity.

posted by: Will Ravelob at the PHIAA e-group